A walk at last

It's been so long since I've been able to walk outside, so tonight was quite a treat. A storm blew through about six this evening dropping the temperature from "oh my god!" to something a little more bearable. So I laced up my Nike's and headed out to the greenway. I had an acupuncture session earlier in the afternoon and I was anxious to move the blood and Qi through and continue what the work had started. About three weeks ago, my IPod was stolen, so I had no music. That ended up being a really good thing. I noticed all the sounds and sights around me so much more without the distraction of the music. It felt good to walk along the path feeling so connected to nature as I listened to the birds, crickets and tree frogs make their music. The cadence of my feet connecting with the earth sounded strong and sure, not heavy or clumsy. Everything was that deep green of mid-summer with the occasional splash of purple or yellow supplied by a wildflower hardy enough to survive the heat. Without the music, I heard the creek tumbling over the rocks and the rhythm of my breath. About half way through, the stillness revealed a tawny doe standing 10 feet off the path in a field. She raised her head with a leaf sticking out of her mouth as I rounded the corner and stood like a statue, watching me, watching her. Finally she must have decided I was not a threat, twitched her little white tail and went on with her snack. I only had time to do three and a half miles. As I was finishing the loop, I could see the sunset painting pink streaks between the tree branches and the fireflies began their twinkling dance  like terrestrial stars. Perfect timing! It felt so good to be outside soaking up all that nature was lavishing on me. And it felt really good to be moving and working my muscles.

A week later...

One week later...didn't quite reach the goal, but I have improved. I did eat fast food a couple of times, but made much healthier choices at home. Feel like I'm turning it in the right direction at least. I think the big part of this is the planning. I can't plan for everything. Sometimes I am expecting to be home by lunchtime, but then I get a call to go do a massage. So how do I deal with the unexpected? Maybe instead of saying no more fast food, I should say that if I have to get a bite on the run-I'll chose the healthiest option available.

On the exercise front, I went biking one evening. I did six miles. It felt good to be out and moving. The heat is putting a really big cramp in the exercise schedule. I purchased a voucher for one month's worth of Kettlebell Classes. I haven't tried it yet, but I hear it is an incredible workout. Maybe this is the solution until outside activity is more workable with some cooler temps.

I'll keep you posted....

Half Way

Can you believe the year is officially half way over-six months down and six to go. So it is time for a little check-in and a reality check.

The first 4 months of the year I was fairly pleased with my progress. I was improving my eating bit by bit and I was training for the half-marathon, so I was exercising about 5 days a week. Then 2 days before the race, I came down with the flu which kept me sidelined from the event. It was really disappointing. I'd put in a lot of work to get ready for it, and then I wasn't able to actually do it! Mentally, it was a pretty big blow.

Since then, I've made only feeble attempts to work out and my eating has gone back to S.A.D. :-( I have really been beating myself up over this. Lots of negative self-talk going on...and it is partially deserved. But I have decided to reframe my thinking. I had 4 good months so far this year and 2 not-so-good months. I can dwell on the bad and slip deeper down into it. Or I can focus on the good and figure out what helped me to do so well January through April-then try to repeat those behaviors.

This week I have set a goal. I do not want to eat ANY fast food this week and I want to do some type of exercise 4 times. I may have to use the treadmill inside, because it is so hot out now. But that's ok. These seem like attainable goals and there is no reason I can't get this train back on the right track starting the second half of the year with a bang!! Happy Independence Day.

completely off the subject

symphony, tango and meditation

At the symphony hall-the music begins. I am torn between closing my eyes as I usually do and the visual feast of the lights reflected off the instruments. As I watch, I am mesmerized by the movements of these expert musicians. Yet it is more than just their movement. It is the connection between player and instrument and the organic way the music is coaxed from one by the other. I see nothing of the technique I know this requires. His fingers must be placed just so on the frets and the bow drawn across the strings with an exact pressure at a precise speed. What I see is more like a lover's caress that draws from the body of the beloved a sigh, or a cry, or a shiver. And I am suddenly overwhelmed with the realization of how like the tango I love this interaction is. The leader is the virtuoso, playing the instrument-his partner, but it is she from whom the music is born and grows to life. Each touch of the leader's hand, each small pressure of his body and movement of his core, plays in her a note in perfect pitch bringing forth a crusada, an ocho or an adorno. This is what draws me to the tango. This connection, this relationship between two people that makes it impossible to see the technique. How does she know he desires a boleo now and gancho then? The answer is she does not know, she feels and she flows. As if the two were one body, one mind and one heart.

And then I do sit back and close my eyes, allowing the music to fill in the in between. To fill the space between the air and my breath, the space between the heartbeat and my blood, to feel it's vibration echoing in the space between the synapse and my thoughts until I am full with it. I am completely immersed in this moment and this space-needing nothing, giving nothing, asking nothing. I experience for those few moments a deeply sweet meditation. When the music finishes, I walk the 10 blocks back to my car very slowly, exquisitely aware of the warm breeze on my skin and the texture of the suede of my sandals cradling my feet. For once I am not in a hurry and walk quietly drinking in the strange mixture of sights and sounds pouring out of the city's pores. And then I am driving home in the silence. I leave the radio off for a change, content not to fill up the space between my thoughts with sound., content to exist for just a few more moments in that barely discernible expanse.

a year of "living dangerously"

Yes I know it is the title of a novel and a movie. But the title was taken from the famous Italian phrase vivere pericolosamente, meaning "living dangerously". So I think I will adopt it as my motto as well. As this year unfolds, it seems to be all about doing and experiencing things that I never have in the past. I am overcoming fears and obstacles in so many areas, not just health. Losing weight and becoming more healthy has uncovered a strength I didn't know I had. It has uncovered a confidence I didn't know I posessed.

So far this year, the woman who was afraid to swim with the dolphins has gone sailing in the San Francisco Bay, the woman who is terrified of heights has done a zip-line obstacle course, and the woman who only ran if she was being chased will be participating in a half marathon. Who knows what other battles I will fight and win as the year rolls on! Viva for vivere pericolosamente!

Exercise Evolution

After walking 3.4 miles in the Walk For MS, I decide that is not enough if I'm going to be in condition for the half marathon at the end of April. So I head back home to the greenway to put in a few more miles. After the first half mile, I decide I'm feeling pretty good and should add in some jogging to bump up the heart rate. Using the 1/4 mile markers on the trail as cues to jog, I try to jog for a quarter mile, then walk for a quarter mile. 

The sky is incredibly clear and blue, and I feel great as I jog through the sunlit trees. On one side, a clear little steam cuts through grassy banks twinkling and sparkling in the sunlight. And on the other side, a glossy ebony calf runs along the fence line kicking up its heels, the picture of merriment. To top it all off the breeze blows pink redbud blossoms across the path, as if I'm running through a parade with confetti to celebrate my small victories.

I'm not sure exactly when or how exercise evolved from a chore into something I look forward to and enjoy. But somehow miraculously it has. Now when I have a hard time fitting a workout into the schedule, I am actually disappointed. I miss it. I WANT to do it.

MS Walk

Today is the day of the Walk for MS. It is a beautiful sunny day with blue skies, even if it is a bit windy. I arrive early because I have no idea what one of these is like-an organized walk. Turns out I'm the first one there. No worries. I hang around watching others arrive and sign-in and soon a friend shows up to walk with me. I thought I was walking alone, so it's a pleasant surprise. The walk itself turns out to be a little anti-climactic. I thought it was five miles, but it turns out to be 5K, which is much less than I am accustomed to walking now. So I head on home after completing the course and decide to put in another few miles on the White House Greenway. I complete 4 more miles, which puts me at 7.5 for the day!